Luckily due to my hard work and long hours I was able to financially secure myself. Having read scary stories about how these facilities can take over your money, I discussed this with my son and when he suggested that I put my savings in his name to protect my assets, it sounded right to me.
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And so a few months ago, I transferred most of my savings into his name. He promised to be a good steward of these assets. Unfortunately, my plan to move into this CCRC did not materialize and, instead, I moved into a very modest rental community. Fourteen years ago I had developed an autoimmune condition, which makes me vulnerable to infections caused by impurities. Now, I am absolutely disheartened, as my son refuses to transfer my life savings back into my name, so that I would qualify to move into a better environment, where they do require evidence of a certain amount of assets.
I tried to reason with my year-old son, requesting only part of the assets back, which I need to move into another senior community, but to no avail. I feel abused as an elderly person and do not know where to turn to get some help or legal advice about what to do when a child takes advantage of an old parent.
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But I thought that my son, whom I always put before me and financially supported, would not be such a heartless and greedy person. Please help me with some way out of this dilemma; I am so hurt, have pains caused by all this stress and fear that I am slipping into a depression.
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I will be very grateful for any advice you might be able to give me. When you reached the point in your letter where you said your had signed over your savings account, my heart sank. I knew how this would end. The good news is this only happened a few months ago. But you have time on your side, and you should immediately hire an elder-care lawyer who specializes in such cases and contact your bank.
You are an elderly man at a vulnerable time in your life. The law is should be on your side. If that is the case there would not be much he could do legally.
You knew that was coming. Or, at least, you hoped it was coming. From what you say in your letter, this was all for a greater purpose, to ensure you — not your son — were taken care of later in life. There must be a paper trail of emails and, under oath, you could swear to the conditions and context under which this money was transferred. Oral agreements are tricky to prove, but I urge you to throw down the gauntlet and use the full force of the law. As with so many such cases, perpetrators of financial fraud believe lifelong familial relationships will help deter the victim from taking legal action.
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You owe it to yourself to pursue this. Alternatively, family counseling and mediation are the only options left open to you. A family intervention as a kind of emotional or moral leverage might move your son in the right direction. From what you say, however, my hunch is your son would dilly-dally, putz and futz, obfuscate and drag this out interminably until your time on this earth is over and he keeps your life savings. It will investigate and assess referrals of abuse, neglect, and financial exploitation or impaired or vulnerable adults.
His intrusiveness, combined with my son's combativeness -- he railed against me, my extended family, and my friends -- were exhausting and demoralizing. A couple years after the divorce, I mused to a therapist my son was seeing for behavior problems that perhaps it would be better for both children if I let their dad raise them. I worried about the long-term effects of high-conflict divorce. Maybe the absence of fighting would be more valuable to my kids than the absence of their mother.
The therapist, who was aware of my ex's alienating behaviors, practically begged me not to give my ex full custody. So I tried conventional wisdom co-parenting tactics in hopes of easing the conflict.
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Communicating mostly by e-mail. Setting clear boundaries.
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Directing my kids to speak to their dad if they complained about him instead of getting in the middle. Doing my utmost not to let my frustration over being treated like my children's au pair bleed out onto them. I didn't realize then that conventional co-parenting strategies are useless in high-conflict divorce. When he turned thirteen, Luca's non-compliance and explosive rages grew so intense that I felt I had no choice but to send him to live with his dad -- temporarily.
My ex, now remarried and in a position to take on more childcare responsibilities, petitioned for full custody of Luca. I had remarried as well and my husband, who had been through a six-year-long custody battle of his own, urged me to acquiesce. Given my ex's personality, his bottomless pockets, and my son's animosity towards me, my husband felt I was in a lose-lose situation.
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So did my attorney. Now, when faced with the imminent possibility of losing custody of my son, I felt I had to fight. Despite Luca's scorn, I knew he needed me. And there was this, the thought that kept ricocheting through my mind:. The minute I shook hands with the custody evaluator, I worried I was toast. He told my husband and me how much Luca hated us and how much he loved his dad and his stepmother.
My ex is charming and supremely confident. His wife is an accommodating, don't-make-waves kind of person. My husband doesn't stand on ceremony and can be blunt.
He told Irv in no uncertain terms that he didn't understand the case, that Luca had been brainwashed by his dad to hate me. Irv and my husband started arguing. I consulted with a psychologist I trusted. When she heard Irv was our evaluator, she urged me to pull out of the evaluation. If his report ends up in front of your judge, it could be damaging.
So I pulled the plug on the evaluation and settled out of court with my ex-husband. I gave him full physical custody of Luca. I retained shared legal custody but in name only; my ex has sole decision-making power over Luca's education, medical, and mental health care.